In a time when running for President has become a legitimate career choice, the job applicants for the world’s most important office are as revolting as the job is grand. Hillary and Bill Clinton are using the Clinton Foundation as a catcher’s mitt for all< !manner of foreign cash and Bubba is pulling in $500,000 per speech. Hillary's fee ain't chump change either. Hill the Thrill is creeping around the corn in Iowa trying to soften an image as spiky as an
Indian tiger trap while that self involved Canadian, Ted Cruz, has brought Daliesque obnoxiousness to new heights in his libidinous desire for absolute power. Cruz’s level of self involvement is so terrifying, Kim Kardasian looks away in abject horror.
Let’s also not forget, or maybe we should, Jersey mobster Chris Christie. His completely amoral attempt to punish a mayor who wouldn’t support him with a ginned up traffic jam caused the death of a woman in an ambulance stuck in bridge traffic. The fat man really does know where the bodies are buried. Like his noted girth, Christie’s Presidential ambitions are unsupportable.
The rest of the GOP clown car is still boarding. Stow all luggage on the roof and remove your giant shoes to allow for more space for the other sweaty occupants. M.D. Ben Carson has plastered on a fresh plastic smile and wields a prescription pad full of Right wing pablum. Rand Paul’s remote controlled followers are undergoing regular shock treatments so they can rattle off the Rand Paul rap without throwing up.
Jeb Bush has just revealed that he would have invaded Iraq too, just like brother W. Why, oh why, didn’t Barbara Bush have her tubes tied by a crack force of clairvoyant sterilization professionals from the future? Just asking, Arthur C. Clarke. At present, there are no fewer than 25 GOP pretenders, megalomaniacs, nobodies and hacks who have declared for President or are exploring the fantasy in earnest.
The better known names are the certifiable Ted Cruz, old spinster Lindsey Graham, good ol’ boy Jeb Bush, Ex-New York Guv George Pataki, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal,Tea Party apostle and or Libertarian Rand Paul, Yosemite Sam double Rick Perry, and Hispanic voter picker upper Marco Rubio. Don’t forget Mitt Romney, now located in a top secret, robotic black site. The android is being reprogrammed for a 2016 run but it is still a retread, like Huckabee and Santorum. At least Mitt will get new tread on it’s tires. If only it could roll a mile in our shoes.
These nobodies are notable for their utter lack of weight, save Christie, but they do serve well as blow-in insulation for exterior walls. We have an airline captain named, Chris Hill, Former IRS Commish Mark Everson, Retreads Mark Huckabee and Rick Santorum, something called, Michael Petyo, a Tea Party zombie answering to Michael Kinlaw and a hollow suit that jumps off its hanger when you say “Dennis Michael Lynch”. Most of these GOP non entities are so interchangeable, they can be used as spare kitchen tables, an emergency carburetor, an extra bath towel or as additional spackle for putting up dry wall. Most make a handy shiv to level off your coffee table but they are under qualified to serve as ballast. They shift position too much for that work.
From the Donkey Kong party, we have the aforementioned queen in waiting Hillary Clinton, Vermont made Bernie Sanders (An independent actually) and a gathering underground movement to draft Liz Warren. “Foot-in-mouth” Joe Biden may be laying in the weeds, Howard “The Scream” Dean could surprise with an announcement and charisma deficient John Kerry could be a compromise candidate if Servergate causes Hillary to double fault on her Presidential plans. For 2020 handicappers, New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand may be flashing some serious cred while Joe Manchin of West Virgina may be the only moderate Republican seen in the wild in some 25 years.
As David Cameron takes his bows after winning another five years as Prime Minister in Old Blighty, its former colony would do very well to cut back our current two year Presidential campaign cycle in favor of the brisk electoral calendar favored by the Brits. It still comes down to money though so the pretenders here from both parties will be disabused of their Oval Office drape measuring jags soon enough. We don’t elect Presidents. We just watch corporations buy them. Money is the mother’s milk of politics but with Hillary expected to raise 2.5 billion for this current run, the donors have to back real horses. Most nags are exposed right out of the gate but with a Foto Finish between the favorites, the Supreme Court could stop an honest count once again. They have to do something to keep from falling asleep but when they do sleep, they always lean right.