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Tom Brady: The NFL’s Joan of Arc

At age 13, Joan of Arc began hearing voices. Only a peasant girl of slight build and known for her piousness and hard work, it is said that saints appeared to Joan and told her to aid the French in the fight against the English. In 2000, Tom Brady, a Michigan quarterback of large build and known for his super model prowess and hard work, was taken as the 199th pick by the New England Patriots. Tom heard desperate voices of the Patriots fan base and as a sixth string quarterback, predicted to owner Bob Kraft that he would be the best move that the Patriots ever made. Joan of Arc saw saints. Tom Brady beat the Saints every time they appeared on the NFL schedule.

Like Brady, Joan predicted to the Dauphin that the French letting her fight for them would be the best move that they ever made. Joan pulled on her armor and led a victorious French rout at Orleans. Tom Brady pulled on his helmet after Drew Bledsoe fell in battle against the Green Army of New Jersey and led his troops to Super Bowl glory in New Orleans in 2002. Joan grew up worshiping God and Brady, Joe Montana. Though God could terrify people, He could not run the West Coast Offense. Montana frightened NFL defenses and always came through in the clutch, unlike some deities.

After still more victories, Joan was captured by the English, sold into captivity by John of Luxembourg, discredited by the Church and burned at the stake on May 30, 1431. After three more Super Bowl victories, Tom Brady was sold out by the NFL, had piddling and unprovable charges of under inflating a football lodged against him, was discredited by the Wells Report and is currently being burned at the stake.

The high church that is the NFL only wants to reestablish control. Joan’s church hid crimes for centuries. Roger Goodell’s church goes easy on woman beaters but hangs players for a single football being two pounds PSI under, according to league rules. Joan’s punishment was severe. They burned the babe at age 19. The Patriot’s punishment was almost as bad with a million dollar fine, the loss of two draft picks and a suspension of four games for Tom Brady, another young martyr. Goodell’s suspension of Brady was upheld on July 28, 2015.

Joan of Arc’s fate has been long sealed but she was formally retried posthumously and exonerated in 1456. Brady and the NFL Player’s Union also seek exoneration in the name of setting history right. They had to lie to tackle Joan and they are making it all up to singe Tom Brady. John Oliver briskly comments on Goodell’s level of competence when you scroll down and if this is any indication, Tom Terrific will be cleared.

Way back in February, Ian Rapaport of NFL Media refuted ESPN’s Deflategate report, which claimed that 11 of 12 footballs used in the first half of the AFC title game against the Colts were under inflated. Rapaport wrote that 11 of the 12 were only, “a few ticks” below the minimum with only one ball being 2 PSI under. The very slight under inflation of the 11 could then be explained by the independent scientific testing that has already been done. Those tests concluded that the cold weather probably accounted for the difference, with the exception of that one other ball.

Michael J.Naughton, Chair of the Physics Department at Boston College, has gone on record in saying that cool temperatures made the difference in the ball pressure readings. It has been reported otherwise that exposing balls inflated in a warm room and then introduced to cold temps would have an effect too. I’m hanging my hat on ESPN’s bad reporting and the NFL wanting to run the Patriots off the road after Spygate and let’s face it. A life as idyllic as Tom Brady’s just screams for some rock throwing by fans without an NFL title to brag about.

History will show that Joan of Arc relied on visions, saints, dreams and inspiration, gleaned from her chocolatey, pious center to live out her destiny. The great advantage she had is that there are no tangible records of encounters with saints, unless you see Archie Manning in a bar and buy him a scotch and soda with your Visa card. Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone, purportedly to hide evidence from the NFL. If the league succeeds in lighting Brady up, as the English did to poor Joan, then it may be left to distant generations to retry him, long after his NFL Hall of Fame plaque has grown an even patina of age. Judge Joe Brown’s court has more credibility that the Roger Goodell clown car. Brady had to sit for four games in spite of his successful appeal but such is the nature of conspiracies.

After the NFL ignored a fresh Deflategate controversy involving the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2017, even the most delusional Pats hater had to conclude that the mania to hurt New England on the part of Goodell and his owner masters was real. With any provable reason to hate the Patriots gone, all that is left is jealousy and resentment because they have been winning for 16 years. That kind of consistency was just not assumed to be possible and for the other owners, it isn’t desirable or profitable for them either. Let them seeth. New England is packing for Houston.

Joan of Arc is a saint and if Tom Brady is merely mortal, he should at least be held to standards that are tied to the Earth and not devised by an all knowing and all powerful NFL Commissioner. Gods are jealous, after all. If you were going to single out any man for ill treatment, wouldn’t it be Tom Brady? His very existence sparks envy. That is the cost of greatness.

Joan of Arc made history. Tom Brady and the Patriots are still writing it and only their critics have been burned at the stake by fueling this team’s competitive fire. They didn’t need the help but on behalf of my fellow Patriots fans, thanks. Sincerely. Thanks.

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